Finding Inner Peace After Loss – Real Life, Real Pain, and When Inner Peace is Difficult
*Lyndell, my son passed away on January 01, 2019
The post started in December 2018. It has been updated. He has been on my mind more recently. You never stop missing their presence, laughter, and the memories just stay.
I started writing this post over a week ago now. With many interruptions, my mind started with many thoughts to write, but when the disruptions came, it became harder to concentrate. Harder to determine how I wanted this post to be seen by all people. I want the reader to think, and take it in regardless of their faith, their belief, or their spiritual-non-spiritual self. This is about real life and the inner peace that is often very difficult to obtain.
The reason this post has taken me a week to write is that my son has terminal cancer, and very little time do I have to write now. He has decided upon no treatment for now. You see it has metastasized and he has brain tumors. I am thankful I believe in God, and his son, Jesus.
Believe me, this is hard to accept, harder to understand, and utterly hard to feel complete inner peace.
Believing In Inner Peace
It is easy to say that most people have heard someone talk in any number of conversations about inner peace, tranquility, or inner joy. However, it is again easy to say that most listened only to the parts of the conversation, that were something they understood or felt comfortable with.
It is human nature to be quiet in conversations that we are less familiar with, and pretend we understand. Again, human nature is that we are all drawn to the emphasis in most subjects that we “think” we know how to conquer. We shy away from the talking points we do not want to listen to or talk about. Inner peace is one subject and another of those subjects is death.
Often the mind will hit the question box with; “how in the world can any person have inner peace with the frequency of the frustrations in life?” There certainly cannot be inner peace when death, loss of love, friendship, and many other disappointments occur for all humans.
These thoughts or questions are real and they are human, and it is impossible to provide the most relevant answer for every person. Therefore, we will not contemplate even trying. Each human has characteristics that are different, and some areas different from night and day. Some people have their mindset on certain impossible things. Anyone reading this, however, depending upon his or her spiritual self; knows from whence one’s inner peace starts.
The Human Response People Often Have About Inner Peace
One might state further “life is stress.” Some days we deal with one stressful situation after another. How is there a way to have complete inner peace?
Life supplies different stress, anxieties, frustrations, and pain for different people. All of these are on different levels and there is no respect for persons. However, when we realize that somewhere, someone else has probably felt the same emotion(s) you are feeling, and they survived, it brings hope to the heart. This is truth and acceptance of the aforementioned is one method of coping, and knowing you are not alone.
If Only Life Were Predictable
Life is not predictable. Not for anyone, however, people react to things differently, depending upon their thinking habits, their attitude about life, and their spiritual experience. At some point, questions begin to surface, and most of those must be answered from within.
- What is wrong with me, I do not have inner peace?
- Is inner peace something within a person that is not utilized, or is it something we learn?
- How is it even possible to conquer life things in a manner to have Inner peace? Life is often hard.
- Can there be a magic formula to stop the mind from piercing the heart and soul at unpredictable times?
- Is there a way to eliminate the chaos that disappointment brings?
- Will there ever be a way of having that inner calm when the waves are flowing in?
- Is it possible for anyone ever to have complete inner peace?
When Bad Things Happen, We Are All Dust
Let me just say here and now, when the unthinkable happens, we are dust. In other words, we are human, and coping with some things that occur like a notice of eviction, may be awful, but it still could be worse.
Getting a layoff notice is not the end of the world, but it might feel like it to many, and becomes devastating news. However, neither of these things is the end. They can actually be the beginning of something more profound.
I wrote a post some time ago, entitled A Calm Mind is a Healthy Mind. Yes, it would be wonderful to respond to life with a calm mind and soul on every occasion. I am here to tell you that I do not know if this is possible. I know it would be very hard.
I know that I do not have it mastered just yet. However, I am working on myself to gain the ability to be calmer, think before I react, and try to work toward more inner peace at hard times.
With a surprise blow from life, my opinion is keeping a calm mind is not always possible. When I first learned that my son probably had cancer, it was surreal, but it did not jolt me in the beginning. However, when he went for this brain scan and the news was that cancer had metastasized into the brain; I broke.
Those words had the sound of being fatal, and before these last tests; there was hope. This cancer started in the mucous of the lungs before spreading to the brain, (4) tumors, and another mass on his side; however, we do not where else. It is at stage IV now.
Some Possible Answers, Thoughts, Known Facts, Opinions, and Miracles-
Miracle In The Woods
Just this past week I read an article, which described a man diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. They gave him no hope, it was there, non-operable, and was not going to go away, and all that was left was time. How much time, no one knew for sure, which is always the case with cancer, they can only estimate.
This man decided to take a trip back to his home country. He went to doctors there, and the prognosis was the same. No hope, no treatment that would help or cure.
He then decided to retreat to the woods, spend some time in solitude, meditation, and my guess is a reflection, healing of the mind, and the soul. He more than likely wanted to think about the greatness of life in general, the positive, the good, and to acclaim peace in the midst of his storm.
He obviously accomplished what he desired. After about six months, he went back to his doctor for a test. The cancer was gone, not a trace, nothing….gone. No, the doctors could not explain nor believe the latest test, but it was true, this man’s cancer was gone.
What healed him, who healed him, and how? You have probably already figured out that I am a believer in faith. Faith that Jesus, the Son of God can heal if you have the mindset to believe and the faith of a mustard seed. Whoa… you may be thinking; that is not much faith when you say, a mustard seed, is it?
As For My House -We Believe
I respect everyone’s thoughts, however, I will not argue that you are wrong, and I will not condemn anyone who does not believe the way I do. A person must find his or her own way. However, they must seek to find.
Jesus’ own words in the New Testament and his miracles are proof enough, for me. That is because I believe in the Words of God. Yes, even though they have been translated numerous times, written in other languages, etc… I simply believe.
The Healed Soul in the Woods Continued…
About seven years later the man who was healed, died of a heart attack. Aha…you might think. Why would God heal him, and then let him die? The scripture below details this question.
Acceptance Is Part Of Peace – Anger Comes First
We are all going to die, we just do not know when; right? Yes, of course you know that is a true phrase. We are dying daily, we become older, we have habits that we should conquer, and more often than not, we continue our bad habits.
My son was a frequent smoker. He knew the fate of smoking, but the reality did not hit until he heard the word, cancer.
Normally a person does not choose their time to die. You see everyone must accept that we cause a lot of our own sorrow, heartache, and pain. God does not inflict upon us a fatal disease.
Grieving in our sorrow is part of getting to inner peace, and before we get to that state, we usually become angry. Angry at ourselves, angry for not listening to advice, and angry that we were so caught up in what we believed was somehow a far-fetched possibility.
”1) To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose under the sun. 2) A time to be born, and a time to die, a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 4) A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to morn, and a time to dance.
Descriptions and Meaning of Inner Peace
“Inner Peace is described also as peace of mind.” Wikipedia goes further and indicates it is a deliberate state of psychological or spiritual calm despite the potential presence of stress.
Your Dictionary.com simply indicates – “peace of mind.”
My Description of Inner Peace:
Inner peace for most spiritual individuals is the state of knowing there is a God that whom they have made peace. I have come to know that my decisions have determined much of my life, and I can blame no one but myself, good or bad.
There is an understanding that regardless of what is going on in my life; God is monitoring. I remember that Jesus tells us how to pray a prayer that is direct, unselfish, and straight to the point. When I recite The Lord’s Prayer, per his instructions, it reminds me of what is most important in my life.
The Lord’s Prayer
“After this manner therefore prey ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed by thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen
Matthew 6: 9-13 (KJV)
Seeking Inner Peace – The Soul
Like the man who was healed in the woods, most people do not spend enough time alone, until… We are too busy, too preoccupied, and do not take care of our inner beings. Your mind has so much ability that is not being utilized. Using your mind and spiritual self to help you determine what is missing within your life is paramount. You may find that you are making the mistake of not taking the time to know…your spiritual self, or recognize that your soul needs care.
We have mentioned several times Dr. Peter Shepherd’s work. Here is a passage from his book, by permission: Transforming the Mind -page 12
In psych synthesis, which Assagioli developed in the 1930s, it is said that a person has a personality and is a soul. However, personalities in the world are obvious to us all; souls are only present for those with eyes to see.
Assagioli view of synthesis is of becoming more and more aware of soul, not only in oneself but also in others. His view, and the view of most spiritual disciplines, is that soul is basic and enduring, and that personality, though necessary for being in the world , is relatively superficial and changeable.
The soul is the context, the home, the ‘unmoved mover’, the uncreated source of life; the personality is full of content, learned responses, and is dynamic. The soul may in many people never be recognized in any explicit way, and the nature of this barrier and how to remove it, to become ‘enlightened or to ‘awaken.”By permission from Dr. Peter Shephred – “Minds, like parachutes, function better when open.” Dr. Shephred December 24, 2018
I try to have a mindset that whatever is happening to me has already happened to someone else. My life is not unique, and I am human. Nevertheless, regardless of how horrible, sad, difficult, or out of my control, any situation is, I want to endure it. I will endure, and at some point accept those things I have no control over. It may take me some time, it may not be easy, I may cry, scream and say why me; simply because I take life things very seriously.
Sometimes every day is a struggle. However, I try to take a deep breath, think about those who are less fortunate, and become more grateful. Remembering the hungry little children near and far away, who are without enough love and care, I am blessed. My son is blessed because he has been given time to pray, meditate, think, ask forgiveness, and in so doing find the inner peace he craves.
Faith is One Key to Inner Peace – Faith Must Be Sought After –
Faith binds a person to their spiritual self. Without faith, you cannot reach your spiritual self, your soul, and it is impossible to serve God. It is by faith that we are justified. It is by faith that we inherit salvation.
What Are Your Thoughts on This Subject?
I would love to hear your thoughts and your inspirations about Inner Peace, how you connect with your spiritual self, your calm, your faith, and your endurance of Real Life Things.
In Closing This Is a Promise From Jesus
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.John 14:27 (KJV)