I love to ask questions, and as you know- that is how we learn. So we start by asking – Are Your Emotions Controlling You Negatively?
If you have been made aware that negative emotions can often make or break your relationship, be it work, family or friends, your answer might be no. Most people at some time, including myself, have to work on learning to not let our emotions run wild and control our life negatively.
Emotions are a part of life, whether they be positive or negative. Often we do not realize where the negative is coming from or what is causing our actions to always be on guard and display inappropriately. We want to feel good, and when we are in negative situations, it isn’t easy to keep our fears and hostilities at bay.
There are times in life that some emotions are justified in life, and we simply have no control over them. However, there are times that all of us need to step back and view our actions and reactions. Those sometimes hidden or not known feelings, insecurities, or viewpoints allow us to let our negative responses hit the ceiling.
It is essential to make sure we are not letting the wrong emotions destroy our ability to be in control of how we are perceived by others.
Yes, how we are perceived by others matters, you and I know that to have the respect of those around us we cannot let our negative emotions jump forward persistently.
Life Presents Challenges and Emotions Often Run Wild
“As in the photo above- life presents thorns, barb wire, and an ouch.”
Most of us have had these days, some worse than others when everything seems to hit us unexpectedly. It often happens when we are in a crowd of people who are listening, watching, and possibly those to whom we are trying desperately to be an example.
I doubt there is a cure, but as with all things that are common to life as emotions are; we can work to control those that are bad for us. If we want to better our life we can reach within to make sure we know which negative emotions are so quick to emerge and why.
So, how do we save face and master this important part of our life? *We address this below
All People Are Not Created Equally In Some Aspects Mentally
It seems that some people are born with the ability to swallow and act as though nothing has changed from the ordinary with most situations. They stand with their shoulders back, straight and tall, and put a smile on their face as though they just won the lottery. They can even laugh when someone takes a shot at their superiority.
Normally we think the above statement about men, however, we find it is not true in every case of all emotions.
After some research, we found that women are actually better with some emotions than men. Science Daily did a study which indicated that men are by nature not as good with fear and disgust. The study that Science Daily made was not to prove superiority over one sex or the other but to see how each is affected by mental disease.
The gender consideration was to help researchers to better understand mental diseases that have a strong gender component. That means they affect men and women differently.
The findings were that women were superior to men in the recognition and distinguishing between some emotions, specifically, fear and disgust.
Women Have Deep Feelings and Often Let Their Emotions Show More Openly
Women, on the other hand, take most things in life that deal with the heart very seriously and show these emotions more substantially. We have deep feelings and our love can appear to be deeper as we become mothers.
Normally we love with our whole heart. We also have a tendency to fall in love quickly. Not all of us, but many.
There is absolutely no comparison when it is a mom’s love except, of course, the love of God.
As women, most want to fix things now, stop the hurt and the little nagging achy feeling inside with an immediate cure. It seems harder for women to accept rejection, and some men will find themselves a quick cure, they think.
Some women are prone to cry easily. After a few times of criticism, they learn to control this emotion. They learn that crying makes you appear to be weak, insecure, and out of control, so they instead may either go voiceless or become louder.
Emotions – Are Your Emotions Controlling You Negatively?
Negative emotions are anger, which can produce outbursts, fear; the latter causing an individual to be shy without confidence, and withdrawn. (The latter mentioned two mentioned here are not necessarily bad, however, these could be improved to make life happier).
Sadness, which can be from many things such as relationships, loss of something important and death. Disappointment, anxiety, despair, frustration, guilt, and of course, helplessness.
How Do We Fix Ourselves When We Have Emotions out of Control?
- Look within…This may take a little work as it is often hard to examine ourselves.
- Recognize and understand why you are having these feelings in the first place.
- Accept responsibility for your feelings without blaming another person.
- Recognize that feelings are inside of you and unless you act on them, no one will know they exist but you. However, if feelings are inside of us for a long period of time, and they are negative; they can become actionable.
- Go to your reasoning ability and establish why you have feelings that are making your actions unwanted, expressed or demonstrated with unhealthy behavior.
- If you have anxiety due to work overload; find a time to let it all go and do something relaxing. Take a walk, meditate, get out the family album to have some laughs, or talk to a friend you have not talked to in a while.
- Change the way you are thinking. Implement positive thoughts by telling yourself that you are doing a great job, you will finish your task on time, and it will be satisfactory. Tell yourself to slow down so that you can do a better job.
- A co-worker stealing your idea and the boss doesn’t know it. You worked your can off to think of something to gain respect and a possible promotion. How you handle this is more important than what happened?
Deciding to let it go, and let nature take its course, is the best solution. Nine times or maybe seven times out of ten, the truth will appear at some point, one way or the other. Oh…I know, this takes self-courage, and a lot of discipline, not just control.
- A friend who has betrayed you by talking about you to someone else…the list could go on and on. If you can remember that we only gain experience by experiencing a different situation. You may have things that blow you away because that is how you grow. An individual learns how not to treat others. It only helps you know how you see others, is sometimes when you should take a look at yourself.
You learn from each of your disappointments in others and yourself. If everything were hunky-dory all the time, you would not become a better human yourself, and forget that you sometimes disappoint as well.
One must remember in the case of hurt from another individual when you let another person, their words or deeds make you feel less important as a person, you are letting them control you.
No one can take away who you are unless you let them. No one can take your knowledge away, and usually what goes around, comes back around (though we should not wish it on anyone).
- Stay calm, try to freeze your first need to lash out.
- Learn to think first, then speak your issue or problem.
- Speak without using gestures such as pointing a finger at another person.
- Remember to express your issues in the first person.
- If you are a leader; remember you are the one in charge and the responsibility is on you, therefore no blame game. This goes highly with emotional intelligence.
- Again, learn what makes you angry.
- Were you angry as a child
- Did you feel slighted as a child or young adult
- Has someone betrayed you
- Do you think that life is just unfair to you
- Are you taking responsibility for your life
- Regrets and guilt are something that cannot be changed. We have all made errors, omissions, and done things we wish we had done differently.
- Forgive yourself first, if you have harmed another, ask for forgiveness. That is all you can do and the rest is beyond your control. If you can make it right; it should have been, do it. If you can’t, let it go.
- The hurts that take our breath away, usually take time to heal. Only time will heal some things like a breakup, divorce and those things that could not have been avoided.
- When possible one must look within to see if we were somehow at fault. That is not easy either, and in the beginning almost impossible.
- Instead of dwelling on what could have been, remember that your future is in your hands, therefore you can pray for a different path.
Grief is the Normal Emotion From Loss
Then there is grief that has no timeline whatsoever. We all know these kinds of emotions, heartaches, and sadness take time.
Time is the only healer for pain that is given to us by life things and live persons, but death is another subject. It is forever.
Then you experience the death of someone you love; you have no control. It can be the loss of a loved one, whether it be a spouse, parents, child, or any person whom we love with our whole heart.
Some things in life are meant to be emotional… we are human, humans hurt, they cry, they mourn and they suffer.
The latter loss brings tears, unrest of mind, body, and soul, and it is frequently hard just to take the next breath without gasping. This is a soul in pain and the sorrow does not go away, it only become more bearable.
One tries to rationalize the whys, what-ifs, and maybes. The whys are sometimes not explainable or reasonable. Only time helps to make it more bearable, and being able to come to grips with this kind of pain and disappointment.
There might be solutions in how you deal better with this. Trying to think about the good things and remembering the laughs, sweet moments, and those moments can bring more peace.
The reality in death is painful, and the sooner one faces reality, some think mending is easier. However, all individuals take different approaches to healing.
Thoughts to Think On
“There Is No Reasoning For Some Things – We Just Have to Accept and Keep Moving Forward”
“Some things are not planned, they are not warranted and were not meant to be. Some things are meant to be, but hard to accept.”
“These are the times that one should take faith in God, in themselves and remember that it is not anyone’s fault, it just is.”
“After the rain and storm, there is always a rainbow…somewhere.”
“Life Things are not always easy things, yet they mold us into being better individuals.”
“If for some unknown reason, we had nothing in life to conquer; how would we know how strong we are?”
“To some, life seems full of all things good, but no one is exempt from disappointment, pain or loss, it is by these things we learn and grow.”
“Life Things – Smiling when we want to scream sometimes means that we have to realize that nothing can kill our spirit, or weaken our ability to love, forgive, and move forward unless we allow it to.”
As stated all emotions are not negative, and it is human to have emotions, even the negative. It is not that we should not have them, it is how we let them control us negatively.
It is important that we take the negative ones, make them as positive as possible, and keep trying to be better humans.