Humans have emotions, and humans often have a trigger point that will set their emotions on display. It is important regardless of what emotion it is, to regulate, control, or manage when strange things happen. If you want to impress- learn what ignites your emotions.
Working in any position, corporation, or entity has challenges. If something out of the normal happens, remember to start thinking- “I got this.” Especially, in front of your “boss.” Simply do not put yourself on display for the world to see. It is important to learn to control your emotions.
In the workforce, if someone comes at you with his or her negative behavior, be disciplined. Learn what triggers your emotions. You cannot control another person’s weaknesses; however, you can control how you respond, if you work at it.
How To Work At Controlling Your Emotions
- Control your responses, even in difficult circumstances, we have all had times we had to do this.
- Remember that you are not always wrong, but neither are you always right.
- Humans err, all of us, including me, and Mr. G.
- Study Emotional Intelligence – I have and it is rewarding to know that if you work on your own emotions, it will have a positive effect on others.
If something at work triggers you, grit your teeth, force a smile, swallow, and give a response that shows you have emotional intelligence. After work, go home, cry, beat the bed, and talk to yourself if that makes you feel better. It is best to keep your emotions intact, and in review so that you know you can control your responses when most needed.
The Lesson I Learned The Hard Way
One of the lessons I learned after I move to the city, was that not everybody is going to like you. That was hard to accept, but it is still true. They are not going to respect you, appreciate you, or your work experience.
All for various reasons, too many to mention in this writing.
You will not see this behavior with most leaders who are actually quality leaders and have emotional intelligence. However, this is just a warning so that you remember, should the occasion arise, and you have not experienced it yet.
Controlling Emotions That Are Easily Provoked
A lot of this depends upon your confidence level as well; however, it is somewhat hard to control yourself when you feel degraded. When and if a situation perpetrates in front of a group of other people, it becomes unacceptable.
It is hard to realize that some people are not mindful of what other people think of their leadership ability.
Women Have A Tendency To Cry When Caught Off Guard
Women cry more than men do, and women are more understanding of another woman who has a delegate situation. We accept that men usually come from a different piece of cloth when it comes to emotions.
Women tend to let their feelings show more. Women have to work harder to prove themselves in many companies. However, this is where self-esteem needs to rise within you.
You will always do well if you remember to feel good about yourself. However, some people feel superior and do not cope well with what they feel is competition. Well, let me rephrase. They feel inadequate, want to feel like the boss, or just need to take a course in real leadership abilities.
A Real-Life Experience And Life Lesson
I had been in my career in mortgage lending for about 10 years. However, seven of those years were in a small town. People in the country try to treat everyone with respect, and let them prove themselves and their ability.
I was actually working with a large, well-known company (Freddie Mac). The new employer was a client with its office in a city much closer to my family. I decided to take the job. What happened next was not what I expected.
The New Job
The new job was a position of traveling to financial institutions (banks, mortgage companies) to audit their portfolios to sell in secondary marketing.
This company reviewed loans for sale to investors, like the one I had worked for in Atlanta. Nothing about this job was that difficult. Since I knew the products, the risk factors, I was happy that I had made the choice.
You could actually look at the spreadsheet and know the information you needed to review and document.
Being somewhat excited about this new job as it entailed travel to different cities across the United States, I was happy to move closer to family. The first trip (first assignment) to Fort Lauderdale, FL, was a rude awakening for this southern woman.
We Were Gathered Around The Conference Table
On the first day of the project, we were lined up (we traveled in groups most of the time), at the table to start our audit for the portfolio. Some conversations were going on, not all about the task, just talk.
I was reviewing what was in front of me and all of sudden, this is what I heard coming from the boss: “Linda, you need to ask more questions, you do not know how to do this at all. You, you, you, do not know what you are doing.” In front of everyone, approximately, eight to ten people.
Actually, I have forgotten some of what was said, as it was a long time ago, but I do remember it was not constructive criticism, nor was it professional.
My Reactions To The Boss
My reaction was counterproductive, but it was such a surprise. Remember this was the first trip out of town, and I may have been on the job for two weeks.
For a few minutes, I sat there without saying a word, and all the time I was welling up inside because I could not have been more embarrassed or humiliated.
I could not control myself from getting upset (tearful), so I hit the lady’s room. Without meaning to, I let my emotions get the best of me, and learned a great lesson.
Why My Actions Were Inappropriate
What I did was the worst thing that I could have done for myself, and my position within that company. However, I felt as if lightning had stuck with such actions, and I was appalled, and it hurt my ego.
This woman, the immediate supervisor did not know me, or my actual abilities. Upper management had actually hired me. She had not given me the chance to prove what I knew, or what I did not know, or how I could perform.
The results of my crybaby day did not end with something good. She then knew how to trigger my button, and kept doing it.
I learned this boss actually had a habit of humiliating other people. She was insecure, had no people skills, and was intimidated, as I had come from a well-known investor.
Superior Management Allowed Bad Behaviors
What was disgusting was that upper management allowed this to continue from person to person, even before me. Definitely, this company was lacking in leadership from the top to the bottom.
This Is How I Should Have Responded
What I should have done as a response to this negative action would have been a more classic response and professional.
I should have looked at this person, smiled at her, apologized, and assured her that I would definitely ask more questions. That I would seek her approval for some of my decisions and to the precise methods of her concerns. I could have also asked about her training process.
The issue at that time for me was that I was not in control of my emotions. She had no clue that I was not a person who was coming in to flaunt my expertise to her and anyone else. She did not know that it was not my character or professional desire to make myself look good.
There were more details to this experience, however within several months this company was purchased by a larger bank, and my career was saved by the bell.
What Is The Lesson In My Story
The lesson in this, you must remember that you never know when going into a new job, what the working relationships or atmosphere is until you are there. It can be smooth sailing as I have been in reverse situations and loved every minute of the job.
In fact, the job I left with the larger company was simply a dream come true. I was hired with the first interview that normally takes two, and after one week in Atlanta.
No One Can Take Your Experience, Work Ethics, or Knowledge From You
The world of corporate business is tough, and you must be tough yourself but, not arrogant. If you let yourself take the wrong approach to a critical moment, you may regret it.
This does not mean that you recuse yourself from generating your knowledge. What would have changed if I had gone along with this person? I will never know. However, if showing your best self, is giving in to another’s weakness, it could still change the course of later actions.
Emotions are a part of life. Whether it is anger, disgust, fear, or a discouraging situation that makes you cry. It may come when least expecting it and will happen at some point in most people’s lives. However, if one can remember that self-control is also a choice that one has to make.
Secondly, your experience, work ethic for a job may be far better than anyone who applied. However, the leader does not know that until they see you perform. You should be given the chance to show your skills.
The key, to begin with, is to let him or her think you are absolutely in favor of learning their way, from their perspective, and to the company standards.
However, that does not mean degrading your experience or expertise. No, you do not have to succumb to untactful and dubious actions by someone who is lacking interpersonal skills. If it does not bring about change in the current situation, then other measures would be warranted.
Note: This article is not meant to demean another human. It is to encourage another human to never let someone else tear down your self-confidence or your hard work. No one gives you a promotion in life, you must earn it.