“If you are looking for the perfect man or woman, you will be searching for the rest of your life and then you can have engraved on your tombstone,  no luck at finding Love.”

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It is no joke! 

It sounds like a joke but, in all essence, it is not, and finding love and knowing what true love is,  and is not, is really a major task in life that needs a lot of attention. There is no perfection in love. You love them as they are, imperfection and all. Meaning most of us differ on several subjects in life.

If you were to agree and have perfect harmony with someone on every subject, you are more than likely on your death bed. We all have little annoyances that irritate others. Shall we smile at the truth?

The truth about finding that perfect life partner is that you will never find a “perfect” person. Yes, while you are dating, everything is hunky-dory, they do exactly what you love to do, they smell like an angel or Dior, and they absolutely adore you and everything about you.  They make the world go around, you naively think at the moment.

When The New Wears Off In a Relationship

After the new wears off and you come into knowing more than you have ever known in your life, the real person you have fallen for is in the other room playing with their favorite toy (the TV, in some instances, games or just flipping the channels). The other person is probably in the bathroom trying to figure out if she should be a blond to make you pay her more attention. The way he looks at the waitress at  Old Charley’s, is mind-boggling,  but do I really need to change the color of my hair? aah!

When the new wears off and the honeymoon is over, the real guy/gal emerges and life goes on with new wonders to behold each and every day. We think that our goal of finding the right love of your life has completely and obviously been a disaster.

It isn’t a disaster…………it is life just the way it is supposed to. No one is perfect in “every way.”

• He forgets that he is supposed to open the door for you, any door.
• She forgets to make your favorite desert-like mama.
• He probably forgot to tell you that he loves mama’s peach cobbler and that you need to get the recipe from mama.
• Did he forget your birthday because he was so busy at work?
• She is overloaded with house cleaning, laundry and going to the grocery, and he has failed to put his clothes in the dirty clothes hamper and she had to pick up his mess.
• He screams from the bedroom for her to find his socks.
• She screams back for him to find them himself as she is not his personal servant.
• He expects her to have dinner ready the minute he walks in the door.
• She tells him that she has more to do in one day than watch the clock for when he enters the front door, and if she works, that he can help prepare dinner sometimes.
• He leaves the toilet seat up and forgets to flush it more than ‘sometimes.’
• She is trying to clean up and every time she walks in the bathroom she must clean up his mess, again.

Swallow……..please………

• He never hangs up his clothes and scatters them all across the room.
• She is always reminding him that she hangs up her clothes when she pulls them off or puts them in the dirty clothes hamper, he should do the same.
• He thinks it is just part of her exercise to pick up after him.
• She tells him that she is not the maid, she is his wife and should be respected as such.
• He is in charge because he brings in the money.
• She tells him that he gets to go out of the house and see other people and she stays at home and slaves all the time.
• He is willing to work at the job he is comfortable with and isn’t willing to work two jobs even if necessity calls for it, yet he wants her to stay home.
• She tells him that she is going to go to work because she desires her own money and wants to spend it in whatever fashion she pleases after the bills are paid of course.
• He loves to work on the little projects that bring him satisfaction more than being with her, she thinks!
• She tells him she doesn’t feel important anymore.
• He says that he doesn’t either, and reminds her that they have been married for over a year.

Analysis For Many But Not All Relationships Are The Same

 On the one hand…

The above description is something that most of us can live with and pretty natural, or should we say common in “many” marriages.

Not all marriages or relationships are the same. All temperaments are not the same, and of course, how these things are articulated can make a difference as well. Not all relationships are fussy all of the time, in fact, there are good relationships with not as much chaos when both persons are working to blend their characters.

It is giving and taking, and it takes work to make the other person feel good about themselves and still loved even after 10, 20, 30, 40 years of marriage. Yes, marriage can last that long.

Real Love Takes Real WORK!

On the other hand…

The issues listed below should become a lesser part of a marriage where two people say they love each other, and the things that should be done to improve the relationship.

• Neither he nor she should ever say that the other has to revert to one way of thinking or else.
• They should work to be less demanding of total attention when coming home from work, while there are many other things that must be done.
• He should never say that she has to dress a certain way or else, and she must not require him to always dress up to her taste.
• They should never throw up to either/or that they make the money and either/or cannot spend any of it, and they both should share the burden of everything financial.
• He nor she should do anything that would indicate their feelings, views, and suggestions are not important.
• They should never say upsetting words or discouraging words to make the other feel inadequate or not enough.
• He nor she should try to push their religion on the other, it should be a jointly considered decision.

Real Love Takes Real Work And Discipline

• Neither should ever embarrass the other in front of family or friends.
• He nor she should ever verbally abuse the other.
• Neither should ever physically abuse the other.
• They should never laugh at each other’s ideas and fail to listen to what the other one has to say.
• He nor she should never expect the other one to work on a full-time job and also take care of all the housework, laundry, and disciplining the children while the other one sits on his or her can and does nothing.
• They should always remember to be an example of showing love, respect, and honor for each other.
• Neither should engage in profanity in front of the children and be examples so that they grow to be respectful adults.
• He nor she should threaten divorce because of frivolous issues in the marriage.
• They should not ever be insensitive to the emotional, physical and spiritual needs of the other.
• He and she should always remember that no one is perfect and that sometimes it takes a lot of time to adjust to having someone besides yourself to think about.

“He and she must remember before making a decision to make a relationship permanent, people change.  Most of the time; the person you date has not been fully honest in their behaviors in front of you.  We each try to be perfect, yet no one is.  Making a great impression is the goal. Impressions are not always what they appear to be. Being who you really are, is of great importance.”

We All Have Flaws That Are Not Transparent At Times

We all have flaws.  They are not always noticeable before the important step. In fact, the really important ones never show up until it is sometimes too late.  Some things can be tolerated, others cannot.

You might say, how do I know I can live with this person? Forget that you think you love them for a minute and consider what you can and cannot tolerate. Is it worth taking a chance? Think about the alternative.

Each person must know who they are before they can know another person will blend with who they are themselves.

Seek to know the individuality of yourself (know yourself) before seeking the same in another person.

Change Is Inevitable and Undeniable

Talk to this person about their dreams, desires, hopes, fears, and what they want out of life.  Find out if you each want the same things and do not focus on how the love feels. Feelings very often are false, misdirected, and misguided.

“Passion can subside, or become less important, eventually as real life takes over.  The world does not survive on physical passion.”

Obligations of life can stress even the most loving relationship when life is sometimes difficult. What if the person in your life told you that they had no desire for much of anything, just survival? You know what you want from life.  You like to travel, you want a nice home with nice furnishings, you desire to become more educated and have a successful career, not just a job.  Each person must realize that they each change. 

Their desires change, they see things differently as time goes on and their maturity settles in.  No one knows all there is to know about what they want out of life until it starts evolving and going in so many different directions. But, it is unwise to think that you will adjust fully as you go. 

“If two people have different values, goals, standards of living, and methods of survival, it would not only make it hard but also very near impossible.”

Women Need Their Own Ability To Survive In Our World Today

All women need to be able to financially capable of taking over their needs.  Why?  Spouses die, get injured, sometimes leave.  Any woman needs a way to support herself and her children should something unforeseen happens.  Education is an important tool in living comfortably this day and time as it is very hard to live on one income.

You will not always be so “in love,” that you do not want to buy a new dress now and then.  It is about the future, not the present.  People’s lives change and their need for more things to survive well and be happy and take precedence as the family grows.  This is life as most live it.

End Notes…

No, what is written here is not all conclusive, or a cure-all.  Life is a vast learning experience as well as relationships, and love. In life we take chances, some are good, some not so good.

Let it never be said that finding love and the perfect relationship is a cut and dried format. It isn’t, but there are ways to know if the person you are with is genuine, compatible, unselfish, and most of all tolerable.  

Compromise is essential and there must always be changes to prevent deterioration of the love that exists.  Finding love and the perfect relationship is more than likely nonexistent…but if both strive to make it the best relationship it can possibly be, the love will grow stronger as time goes forward.