Do Women Leave The Men They Love- one Marriage Counselor says they do…by permission*
Originally posted in 2019 and updated on 03-01-23
Men, it is probably time to check your actions, reactions, and habits, and stop for some forethought and discipline within your busy life. Life is busy however, it should never be too busy for the love of your life.
Just to be clear I scan some great blogs and articles here and there to read, always looking for great titles, which get my attention. The title of the article was Why Women Leave The Men They Love – What Every Man Should Know. In short, yes women leave the men they love. How sad!
Table of Contents
From a Marriage Counselor
A marriage counselor wrote the article by the name of Justice Schanfarber. Of course, I am not going to steal his words, I do not have his personal experience, so I will only reference his. However, in essence, I am going to tell you just like the man said and a few words of my wisdom from being married, divorced, and re-married to the same man. These are sad findings, but something a professional has seen from years of counseling.
The Beginning of Marriage and Relationships
In the beginning, there are two people very much in love, togetherness and attention were so profound, and it appeared to be timeless. Of course, life changes after a while, and everyone gets into their system of making life happen the way they think it should be for married couples. In other words, the new wears off, life settles down more, goals change, career is advanced, and habits take over.
As one psychologist; Dr. Peter Shephred, author of Transforming the Mind says, our mind and thinking go into automatic mode. We all live in auto mode most of the time without being more aware of what we are doing. We do not even realize what route we took to work, we get there while thinking about what happened two weeks ago.
It is common, but some thought and change might be a more bearable method to live life more consciously, than losing the love of your life.
When Two People Become Three -The Family
Children are born, and with the excitement of parenthood, being protective, and the love for these tiny little creatures, it takes up a lot of time that the two of you once spent alone. Most do not realize how quickly routine can elevate time together. This is not about being a good parent, it is about never losing that spark of excitement for each other.
Actually, all it would take is a little bit of conversation and mindfulness to get back on track with the connection. Very often men just do not think about these kinds of things, they are in the moment.
Activities grow as children grow life changes from one month to another while the responsibilities grow. Career and work, homework, dinner, dishes, clothes to wash, and babies to bath, is a full workload and not much time for being one on one with one’s spouse.
Later there is more than one, with activities to make sure they attend and experience a life of learning themselves.
While The Wife Is Busy-The Spouse Has Outlets For Relaxation
In the meantime, husbands find outlets while mom is busy (some men do help), with the essential part of keeping life going at home. He has his friends, and she has hers but has less time to spend having a good time. She is worn out, frazzled to the gilt, and becomes a little moody, but keeps right on going just the same.
The male gets his frustrations out by playing, laughing, and forgetting what is going on at home. Now, he really does care, but he is just not showing it to her. He does get a little tired of hearing the same old thing every day without any solutions, so he ignores the situation and avoids her complaining.
To The Title Of This Article…Do Women Leave The Men They love?
The marriage counselor says this; yes, women leave the men they love. Straight from the person, who has sat with many men and women. He has seen the results of their heartbreaking, saw the tears flowing because the woman feels she has been ignored. All for a high-profile career, working overtime constantly, a night out with the boys, golfing, and falling into bed without even a goodnight kiss.
However, the men wonder what is wrong. They are making all the sacrifices for their family, working hard, traveling all the time with the job, making great money, and really doing the best they can imagine. What more could one do?
Mr. Schanfarber also said, “Women leave men with whom they have children, homes, and lives. It hurts them, but they get the courage to step out and rebuild their life on something more. More togetherness, feeling special again, attention, and listening.
“He states the men are even good men, good fathers, good providers, and they are likable men.” However, “they take their wives for granted. They are not present.”
He continues and states that he does not say that he is right about everything, but that women need not only their presence but also their ability to listen to what they are saying. That togetherness should continue which was so heartfelt five, ten, twenty years ago. The latter is my words.
Be there, listen, feel, help, give them a break, tell them they are loved, and needed, and hug them often. Be gentle, be kind, and buy her an unexpected flower. Hugging and affection entail much more than just the bedroom. Be there emotionally each and every day.
This is a quote by this counselor-
“Your wife is not your property. She does not owe you her soul. You earn it.” Justice Schanfarber
*With permission from Justice Schanfarber- Marriage Counselor read the article.
Disclosure – I am not projecting this as the right thing to do, and that it should be anyone’s goal. However, when I read this I thought it was worth sharing for those who might need a wake-up call.